John F Hall
A non -funny sit down comedian....
They don't want your intrusive spacecraft
and surface rovers
They don't want Earthers Wars and Pollution
They don't want the final solution
Keep away or the Martains will shoot you down
Over the Red Plannet the warning sounds
After all in Quatermass and the Pit
you discovered the truth that
Earthers where once the Martians
from long ago
A colony by proxy when Mars was
dying, found and reactivated again from under the Haunted
Hobbs lane London Underground Station .
Plasticine Figurine standing on Martian Sands
Shrinking Sheep in the rain at the back of Beyond
A Ford Siesta taking a well earned Snooze
In my Stoneage mancave ,Dig my Scene
Befuddled in my mind ,wriiten on the toilet roll Parchment
A Chef specail roadkill ,from a saucepan Psycho
Laid back on the Sofa lost in daytime TV with beer and fags
Pan fried and greasy ,from riches to Rags
Methyl Ethel smell her sweet Perfume
School boys have a Orange Crush on her
She's an asset stripper .a concrete beauty for sure
Quantative Cheesing ,Blood on the trading Floor
Chocolate covered Sluggs,slither across the Plate
Keep the drink flowing ,just put it on my Slate
Through the doors of perception now I'm Free
Are we sitting comfitably on the Lavertree
Death Metal Cabaret ,Opium for the Masses
Don't we all agree to disagree?
Wickercase Basket man ,Dig my Scene!
Brian the Snail talks to Me
From his Mushroom easy Chair
About the World and Life in the Garden
A talent so rare of wit and Repartee
Getting a big pan Scourer
To clean up the town
Got a giant Sponge
To soak up the flooded Ground
Will my lucky Penny win the Lottery
That's what it's all About
Can you Dig my Scene.....
Got the Third Degree from the Judge
Next came College of the DHSS
No sympathy there only more Stress
Now i'm working my Ticket
Just get myself Free
One more day of Apathy
I took a chance of easy Money
A get rich quick scheme
That was bound to fail
A Pyramid scam
sending sand to Eygpt
Now all can eat is Humble pie
Sleeping on the streets
That's no lie
I went to the University of Life
It was an academic course
learning parrot fashion
Facts and Figures to repeat back
So i bet my future prospects
On a First Honours with a Racehorse
It finished last and i was off the Course
Oh Lord, give me an all Academic Degree
A passport to a better life ,can't you See
Fuly Certified and Approved with Accreditations
To get a great job on a Fat Cat Money
Or fail and be another fast outlet burger Flipper
When my head and back hurts
I'm not getting out of bed
Natural born Skiver ,never done a tap
Why start now ,it's time for a Power nap!
Natural born Skiver, just bendig a nail
Busy doing nothing just chasing some female
Natural born Skiver, doing even less everyday
Except the x-word ,suduko .collecting overtime with the pay
Send some greenhorn on fools errand
For a bucket of steam,.Left handed Spanners
Get a glass hammer , a bubble for a spirit level
Take the big walk ,to the Long Stand..........
Time wasting ,clock watching ,firing rubber bands
I sit back in this easy chair, while others run about
Like headless chickens ,that's what it's al about
When in fact i have done practically nowt
I'll walk around like the bosses assistant
Raise my voice and shout out loud
Seems like it's criminal to collect my pay
Just sit back and watch the other fools sweat iti out all day
Cadge King ,i never give back any Fivers
Take it easy,because I'm a Natural Born Skiver.....
Tuck me in i've some seroius shuteye to do!
The rent man's due and i'm still poor
I have been made redundant got no pay
With more bills arriving in the post
It's just another Red Letter Day!
The price goes up and the money goes down
Can't pay ,won't pay and the Repro 's going to town
Just how can i escape this financail mess
Now more worries signing on at the DHSS
If only i could get that big win ,i know it's so rare
Live the life of a lottery millionare
But my pony pulled up well short of the line
Life's never fair when you are on the breadline
If i could have anything , i'd have my say
Save me from another Red Letter Day
Save me from Zero hours and low pay
Save me form fat cat Bankers and suits of Grey
Save me from naked ambition workaholic Bosses
Brickdust Cappachinos for suicidal losses
If i could have my say.........
Save me from another Red Letter Day!
Looking you over ,he like's what he sees
His chat up lines ,have all been tried before
In his Carpet Slipper Kingdom ,just don't cramp his style!
He's a Caffine hit man ,for a coffee shop
Picks his nose and then eats the crusty snot
Touchy feely ,he's windbroken and free
In his Carpet Slipper Kingdom he likes what he sees!
Creepy Joe Slime rolls another spliff
A Columbian special kind of ciggarette
He's got a retail obsession ,He 's losing his mind
A prize sperm doner , every babiy's another Mr Slime
Creepy Joe Slime's made a Jam Donut Atom Bomb
Play's manic musical chairs with puppet sock
There's only one of him and so many of you
Mantlepiece memories of Lemmings jumping off!
He has Arrested Development ,and one track mind
Dorks Punk Technik ,a one in a million kind
All the right moves ,Never knows what he'll find
In his Carpet Slipper Kingdom, just biding time
Creepy Joe Slime swims like a brick
Drinks a Gallon Spittoon and vomits up sick
He practices Oo -Dat and Tai-Chi
In his Carpet Slipper Kingdom
is where he want's to be!
Been sewing threads over the tear in the fabric of time
On Salvation day will I get my peace of mind?
With Prism Schizum I am waiting for a sign!
The man in the cloth talks to the Monk of Quay
Tommorrow never comes just monotony
Flying paper areoplanes ,reach for the sky
Custard baths for Elephants a surreal state of mind
Hippos in dayglo tu-tu ballerina skirts
Pachyderms in polka dot bikinis
Let me be your Velocraptor
Revelation to blow your mind
Film Noir, stop motion capture
Caught on celluloid in full rapture
Performing Star of CCTV
Slam dunk when the biscuit falls in the tea
Slurp the froth from off the flying saucer
Telling tales of that man named Chaucer!
Antenna to Heaven from the Spire of the Church
Anyone out their heard form God his Word?
Is there anybody out there ..............?
Losing myself in their Composition
Colours, Juxtapostion, and the way the light falls
Making a study of the Impressionists
and the Surrealist Avant Guards
Time passes in the picture form
Brush strokes on canvas keeps me sane
In a room with a view with
Pictures on the Wall
Vincent Van Gough colour me Blue
Mr Turner with your watery View
Salvador Dahli ,Picasso Cubeist Knew
Pre-Raphellite figures i like them to
Damien Hurst with your formaldhide Sheep
Tracy Emin ..with that unmade bed are you Bo-Peep?
Appreciating the colour ,tone and form
Becoming one with seascapes tempest and storm
Oils ,water colour ,acrylic, medim and pastel sahdes
Caught in the artists eye the fine detail
Virgin canvas minimalist white over white
Moonbites a partial eclipse of day and night
Dapple shades of summmer country scene
Brushstrokes paint runs the picture into existance
Light,colours, soft focus of a Turner Landscape
Bring the day to a close a final look
At the pictures on the Wall
Swearing and fighting till security came
Then on comes Graham
With The Aftercare team
To save the face
and cut to the advert break!
There's accusations and shouting
About this and that emails and Facebook accounts
Cheating ,Lying, Stealing, Crying
Floods of tears on the outcome
of the Lie Detector and DNA results
There's verbals and punch ups
off camera in the green room
Jeremy's on the floor
giving what for!
The Audience laugh,boo, and cheer
On a given stage mananged direction
A violent guest high on a cocktail drugs
Charges past giving a full verbal B.S .flow
Expletives are fired like machine gun rounds
Steve on Security steps in now
Getting between the brawl!
Then off they run stage left and right
The microphones still on and attached
To the Druggie on Spice
He's having a breakdown and off his head
So another advert break and we''ll be right back!
Jeremy and Graham now calm the situaton down
Do some tough talking with all of the ontorarge
Persuading the person involved a detox course
is the only way he can change his life
Then into the waiting saloon car
for the intensive rehab
It's the only choice they have got
It don't come around Twice!
All viewed daily on the Morning TV Arena
and see it on catch up also!
I broke your heart ,you broke my jaw
With a flying dropkick you left my lying on the floor
You gave me a dead leg, and Chinese burn
You said i was a love rat and had something to learn!
Then the Half Nelson and three falls and a knockout!
I was getting the full bodyblow bruising mission
I pleaded for no more .....
Then you said .....on the canvas floor
I only require your Submission!
before i show you the door!
I only said ,you are drop dead Gorgeous
the tattoos on your arms are talking to us!
Next i heard was a crunch of bones
When i crashed to the ground
Like a domino fall of Stonehenge stones
You pulverised me in a meat Tenderiser
I was a dead man walking, with a glass jaw
I pleaded for no more.......
Then you said ..you'll be sorry
I only require your unconditional surrender
and total Submission!......